I was very suicidal when I was young. I wrote lots of crazy, suicidal poetry. In fact, one time, my sister found one of my notebooks, and thought it would be fun to take it to school and make a whole presentation to her class. I hated her so much for that.
Times have changed, however. I’ve been happily married for 25 years. Okay, that’s a lie. Happily for at least 23 years though. The first two years were hell. But I learned patience. And I discovered Starbucks Coffee.
I’m still clinically depressed. I take several medications to keep me balanced. So life isn’t full of misery anymore. When I was young, poetry was easy to write, because my life was filled with so much misery. Nobody liked me at school, because I was too smart for every class. I would always upset the curve, because I got perfect scores on every test.
I’m sure that if I stopped taking my medications, I could still write brilliant suicidal poetry. But I don’t think the tradeoff is worth it. I guess I’ll have to be more creative with what creates misery in my life.